My full name is Emmie Eva Marie Togneri and so understandably when doctors, or anyone for that matter, try to pronounce my name, I am confronted with some hilarious results! However, I know that I am not alone when it comes to the trials and tribulations of having a strange name, and so here are my top 10 things that I think that all people with an unusual name will understand.
- For years you were determined that it wasn’t you who had to change – people just had to learn how to say your name. Bitches gotta learn! Nowadays, after years of fighting a losing battle you have learnt to accept that nobody will ever get it right so you might as well just accept whatever lame arse excuse of a guess falls out of their mouths first!
- You have tried on countless occasions to practically butcher your own name so that people will understand. If I had a pound every time someone had pronounced my name with a hard “G” I’d have more than one Ferrari by now… “No, no, it’s a silent G – like lasagna you tool!”…or words to that effect at least.
- Eventually, you can’t be bothered with the effort anymore and just decide to go by your nickname or first name.
“For the love of God, just call me Emmie!”
- You always knew when you were coming up in the register because the teacher would always take a deep breath, preparing themselves for something they knew that they would get wrong!
- When somebody actually gets it right – especially first time – you can’t help but do a double take as you tear up and hug the person…you develop a special bond. This will not be forgotten friend! Thank you!
- When someone gets it wrong in front of your friends they are always there to jump in first to correct them. A silent moment of appreciation and true love passes between all of you as you nod to each other as a chorus of “I got your back beautiful” swarms silently around your group…
- Introducing yourself to someone new is always like entering the second circle of hell! “Oooo that’s exotic where is that from then?” personally, I think that my name couldn’t be more Italian if it tried – do you really need to ask! There’s only so many ways you can answer that question before you start to become sick of your own heritage!
- Sometimes you get it in your head that no, this time they are going to get it right, and so you repeat yourself, and repeat yourself…but then if they still haven’t got it then you can’t just say it again, trapping you both in a hellish whirlwind of repetition for the end of time! It is pretty much the unspoken law that there is no more than three repetitions allowed before you just have to accept whatever the result has become to save embarrassment. That is the British way.
- You feel outstandingly awkward whenever you know that your name is going to be called out in front of other people – especially when it is at an event that really matters or is extremely important to you. I can remember the dread I felt when I was waiting in line at my graduation just waiting to hear what kind of awful attempt the dean was going to make in pronouncing my surname…either way, we knew that it was going to be wrong!
- But you love it really and wouldn’t change it for the world. In fact, I changed my name to this and took my Grandad’s surname when I was 18 and I really do love it – it makes me feel part of something. As difficult as it can be for other people to learn how to pronounce it, and regardless of how difficult it was for me to learn to spell it as a kid (I mean come on, what six year old understands the concept of a silent G for God sake!?), I adore my name and changing it seems unthinkable. Even if I ever get married, I might have to make my current surname one of my middle names, as I am certainly not quite ready to let it go just yet!